My Inside Out World

So I was watching Inside Out because I want my nephew to like all the same movies as me to because the Ultimate Aunt

Now I love this movie so much. From the first time I've seen it to the time that I saw it then, it makes me feel that I learn more about myself, my brain, and my emotions. There are so many things about the movie that I enjoy. I'll list them for you

This movie packs a punch of emotion

• the memories making clicking noises as if they are made of glass is such a wonderful feature to add
• the fact that by the end of the movie it says it's okay to be sad or multiple emotions at one time and you don't always have to be happy and joyful
• showing just how quick depression can come and hit you, and some of the inner workings of how the emotions work inside you
• Bing Bong and his sacrifice makes me CRY EVERY TIME WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO HIM?
• the end credit scene with the cat's emotions because it's so true and I know that it's actually happening in my own cats

Watching this cinematic masterpiece, it got me thinking about what my Inside Out mind would look like. What are my core personality islands? Which emotion is sitting in the center seat at the console? And what strange memories from my childhood are still strong on the shelves and will never go into the pit? I'm honestly excited to delve into my mind and think about it.

My Personality Islands

Similar to Riley, I would have a friendship and family personality islands. the sublevels of the islands would probably be the little niches that my friends and I bond over, like the Twilight and Iron Fey books (I have a whole chat with friends who love the Iron Fey books and everything Kagawa). And with family I feel that I would have a sublevel of each side of the family, and one for 'family friends that are basically family' like my aunt Rachel and my cousins Benny and Christopher.

Another island I feel would be writing and reading. They've been such a big part of my life and such a large passion in my life that why wouldn't there be a whole island in my mind for it. Filled with all the different stories I am working on, the ones that I haven't yet written down, and the stories that have changed and shaped who I am as a person.

Language is also something I love in my life and I remember the joy that I had in my first French class, my first test that I aced, and everything after that. There are so many other languages that I want to learn as well and so my Duolingo account is about to get SWARMED with me learning everything from French (still), Icelandic, to Valyrian.

I don't know why but I feel like color guard would also be an island for me. Like Riley it was my sport of choice (even though I played soccer for 8 years and only did guard for 4). I felt free and in control in color guard. Being on the field with a flag or rifle in my hands was where I wanted to be all the time.

There's shocking no other major events in my life that I would think could become a core personality island. These are the only ones I can think of right now, and I think that's okay. I don't need to have too many.

Emotion-in-Charge

I feel like I took a similar journey as Riley in my head with Sadness becoming a more prominent role in my mind. I moved a lot in my middle school and high school years and my family went through money problems. I also got diagnosed with anxiety and depression during that time as well.

For me it seems that it's possible that either Sadness or Fear runs my head or they co-run my brain. Because fear is also a very big part of my everyday life. I want to stretch myself and my content and I get worried that no one will like it, it won't be perfect (which is the worst fear for content creators), and it just stops me from doing things that I am a bit passionate about.

I know that my own Joy is in there, and she does get her share of the control panel. I have a lot of good days and wonderful memories. But having the bad days that I do, I can't think that Sadness doesn't have a staring role inside there. 

Memories I Can't Forget

A lot of my memories are fun ones, or ones that are like deep-rooted in fear, like some of my nightmares I had as a child that would wake me up and have me crying. I remember then to this day and they still sometimes send a chill down my spine. Also regrets and mistakes of my past. They're always going to remain solid in my mind.

The things you regret the most, the things you always wonder 'if I had done something different' will always stay in your mind. I think it's a way for the brain to hurt us and also send us forward. Be better, do better, become someone better and stronger. While it is annoying that my brain sends those memories up a lot, it helps me know that I'm only human.

A funny memory that I will always remember is when I was younger and my mother accidentally (or so she says) left me at Hannafords after buying things for my birthday party. People always tell me if I go into stand-up comedy that I should always tell that story because I tell it well.

What is your version of Inside Out? Which islands/memories are the core of you?  I'd love to see how everyone else differs just like in the movie.

À bientôt!

Photo/Gif creds: emotions, core islands, long term memory, bing bong,

The TMI Blogger Tag

So, I wasn't tagged by Katelyn to do this...but I love talking about myself so I'm going to try my hand at the TMI tag. So whether you are new to me and my blog, or you've been here a while, this is an updated 'About Me' post so to speak.

Let's get started!

How old are you?
21 (very close to 22)

How tall are you?
5' to 5'1" depending on the nurse

Which Hogwarts house are you in?
I took the quiz on Pottermore a while ago and was placed in Ravenclaw, and everything I've learned since then only confirms it more.

Any piercings/tattoos?
I have earrings, and two tattoos. Gemini symbol on the back of my left shoulder and the newest one is a black cat on the back my right calf (a sister tattoo with my twin who has a white one on her left calf). I want to get more tattoos though!

What place do you want to visit?
oh so many places. Let's do the top 5: France, Greece, Morocco, Korea, and Japan. I'm going to be visiting Canada very soon which is why that is not in this list.

Who are you favorite bands/groups?
*I'm going to include singular artists here* Pentatonix, Paramore, Halsey, Christina Perri, Evanescence, Rita Ora, and Little Mix.

What was the last song you listened to?
RBB (Really Bad Boy) by Red Velvet (my favorite K-pop group also)

What is your favorite TV show?
Sleepy Hollow, The Librarians, Law & Order S.V.U., Forensic Files, and The Curse of Oak Island. I know three of these were cancelled/ended but I still love them.

What is your favorite movie? 
How can I pick just one!? Here are some of them: The Last Unicorn, Beauty and the Beast, The Longest Yard (newest one), Thor: Ragnarok, and Anastasia. There are so many more but I'll just stop here.

Who is your favorite actor?
Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, James Spader (because of his voice), and Mark Hamill.

Who is your favorite actress?
Brie Larson, Carrie Fisher (love you space mom), Daisy Ridley, Elizabeth Olsen, Kiera Knightly, and Kristen Stewart.

Favorite author?
Julie Kagawa, J.R.R. Tolkien, Edgar Allan Poe, and Sarah Glenn Marsh.

Ebooks--yes or no?
Yes, as long as I can read it I like it.

What was the last book you read? 
Maria Chapdelaine by Louis Hémon.

What book are you currently reading?
The Last Magician by Lisa Maxwell

What is the book you're going to read next?
Shadow of the Fox by Julie Kagawa

What is the number one book on your wish list?
Song of the Dead by Sarah Glenn Marsh

What is your favorite book?
Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins, Iron Fey series by Julie Kagawa, The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien, and The Host by Stephenie Meyer.

Which is your favorite book-to-film adaptation?
Catching Fire. I felt that (after the Hunger Games movie) it was so well done. Following what Gary Ross did with the first movie and going off what happened in the book Francis Lawrence did such a wonderful job catching emotion and the drama of it all.

Who is your all-time favorite book character?
Katniss Everdeen and Meredy Crowther.

Who is your book boyfriend/girlfriend/fictional crush?
Meredy Crowther, Rowan (Iron Fey), Peeta Mellark, Rey (Star Wars), and Carol Danvers.

Do you prefer books with female or male protagonist?
I don't really mind either, but I am usually drawn towards female or split POV books.

If you hated reading, what would you be doing instead?
Probably singing, or constantly doing colorguard because that's my favorite physical activity.

What do you do when someone tells you reading is boring?
My go to phrase whenever someone has an opinion that they give (and a lot of people say a differing one to try and get a rise out of someone) is "It's not for everyone."

Going outside being active or staying in and reading a book?
Staying in. I'm not that active so I like to stay inside as much as I can.

Where do you prefer to read?
If I'm home I like to read in my room or on the couch. At school I like to read in my room because it brings a sense of comfort.

Which do you enjoy reading more--negative reviews or positive reviews?
I like to read both of them. I read the positive reviews to get a sense of what others like about the book and what's good, and the negative ones to see if there's anything in the books that I might not like personally to see if I should read the book.

What is your favorite book quote?
I don't honestly keep track of a lot of these. I do have saved quotes on my Goodreads profile, but for some reason I don't remember or write down many quotes from books that I read.

This was fun to do (while ignoring my homework at the same time, oh no). Do we have any of the same opinions or favorites? Let me know! I'd love to chat with you all.

À bientôt!

New Year, Same Me, New Adventures, New Stories

So this is my first post of the year. And I had planned to do about two others before 2018 had ended, but oh well. My body wanted to rest and my friends wanted to see me. I was able to bust out of my depression for that.

However this year has so many exciting things coming my way, and I'm so excited for them. So excited I'm going to make a list. Lists are fun.

1. I am going to be graduating from college (undergrad) in May with TWO bachelor's degrees! One in French and the second in Media Studies Communication. It's bittersweet to be ending my undergrad career, but I've also been looking forward to this day since I started.
2. I'm going to see my twin sister and nephew again! They are (hopefully) coming up for my graduation and our birthday. I haven't seen either of them since about a month before they moved to Texas, a very far distance away from me.
3. When I go back to school this semester I will be working with the Communication department again like I did the last two(ish) years. I loved working with my professors and the admin and the only reason I wasn't working there last semester is because I was supposed to be in Canada, but that's explained in this earlier post.
4. There is a possibility of my mother taking me to Quebec after I graduate (and after my sister leaves) for a long weekend or a week so that I can still experience the city. But of course, I'll go back for a longer period of time for another vacation.
5. I have an opportunity to teach English in France for seven months starting in October. I still have to finish my application but I'm excited to find out if I get accepted and finding a place and learning where I would be teaching. It'd be such a great experience. I'm even going to be sitting in on a TESOL class to give me some insiders and skills for teaching English.
6. If I don't get into that program (I can always reapply later for different years), I would take a year off of school to start looking into grad schools and choosing a program. Because I need a break from schooling. Part of me wants to just jump right into grad school after undergrad if I don't get into the France program, but I also know that I need to give myself a break, or I'll burn myself out.
7. THIS is the year I'm going to get my license. Depression and anxiety have caused me to take a really long time to get into driver's ed (right before college) and I have taken the driving test, but I failed. School has made it hard to practice, but I am going to be working with my mother while I am home and hope to get my license either before the start of this semester or after during the summer. I need to get a license and start being more independent with my life.

That's most of what I'm excited about this coming year. I don't say it often because normally I don't think of myself as a 'go-getter' but I want to make this year, MY YEAR. I'll let you all know if that actually happens.

I've made a reading challenge this year of 15 books, like last year, and I have a list of books that I want to get done this year. And if I get into this French teaching program, I'll be able to take my tablet and read the books on there so I can save some room in my suitcases haha.

I hope you all also have some exciting things coming for you in 2019, even if you don't know about it yet. Whether it be love, or success, or graduating (from school or a certain time in your life), maybe even just finishing up one of the goals that you've had for years. I will wish only good onto your lives, because that's what I wish for my life this year.

Time to spend the rest of this third day of the year to watch Criminal Minds with my mother and do some cleaning in my room.

À bientôt!

Why I Have Been Absent

Hello, this is going to be a long post so if you can bear with me that would be great.

I have been gone for quite a while now from this blog. My last post having been done in April, my Page Habit box reveal. Since then, I have been working hard finishing my junior year in college and getting home. I have also been battling a little internally which I will share later in this blog. I just haven't been feeling like myself, and for those reasons (and the ones I will share with you) I haven't felt the pull to post something. I've barely read a book that I've been DYING to read ever since I got it at a library sale.

So, I finished my junior year of college. I had many research papers and projects to finish, so many that I just couldn't even think about doing something that was fun for me, like reading or writing (by the way I completed my NaNoWriMo novel and am on the editing stage of that). I just had to get my work done so that I could pass. Outside of my papers and projects but still in the realm of school, I was working TIRELESSLY on my study abroad trip. This trip has had its ups and down, from before being Lyon, France to now being Montréal, Canada due to money, I'm still having issues.

I have been honored to be awarded two scholarships through my school due to the work in the language department of my university and one for my study abroad trip, but I also won third place in a French video contest held by the Franco American Centre of New Hampshire. My research partner and I from one of my classes won a small award from the Women's Studies Council at my university based off our paper on Wonder Woman and how her new movie has changed the world of cinema for women. So it seems that my hard work has been paying off!

However, with all this, and all the work that I have been doing since 2016, I still need some money. As of this moment, I am only covered just over half of my trip. I was not able to find a job for the summer either, so that will hurt me in my journey. I still need to get the rest of the money before I leave, so that I am able to have a place to stay while in Montréal and be able to eat. I will most likely be living off campus so I need money for rent (which is surprisingly cheap).

Here is my travel fund if you are able to donate: Help Send Monica To Canada for an Eye-Opening Semester!. If you can't donate yourself, I ask that you please share to help me instead. The campaign is only open for the rest of June because I can't change the end date so I would need the money ASAP!!

So, now on to my internal battle that I mentioned earlier. I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I take medication for this. However, I for a while I was without health insurance and I wasn't able to pay every month for my depression medication. This meant that I was in a low spot, this also happened while I was finishing up school, so the stress of school really began to take a toll on my like it never had before without the help of my medication.

However, I have made it home. I have insurance again, and I am back on my meds. I am starting to slowly feel better, but the depression is still a strong hold on my head and thoughts. Also, with all the talks about suicides in the media (RIP all those who have passed), it's hit me because I once felt that low.

I'm bouncing back though, I hope to be in full swing of myself but the end of the summer. I have family events coming up with people I haven't seen in a while so that's exciting, and I look forward to working harder on my study abroad trip.

If you've read this far, I thank you. I know that I can ramble on at sometimes and that not many people care about someone's personal life online, but I just wanted to share the things that make up my life, and in the process make up who I am.

If you have any questions I would love to answer them! Now, let's end this off with a cute gif of a cat, shall we?

à bientôt!

Gif credits: black cat in the tub, heart,