One Year Post Grad

my grad cap design

A year ago I graduated college with two bachelor degrees, one in French and the other in Media Studies Communication. It was a whirlwind four years and I miss them so much. The experiences I had, the skills and knowledge I gained, and the life-long friends that I made along the way.

I had actually wanted to post this post the actual day of my graduation but things happened so instead I am posting on the year anniversary of my graduation party that happened a week later. I also didn't know if a post like this was something that should really be posted, due to the situations surrounding all high school and college/university graduations across the globe at the moment. But I really wanted to talk about my experiences since I left Plymouth State and some of my thoughts as well.

To the class of 2020, I do say this: I am so sorry that you have had your graduations derailed due to this whole pandemic. I wish we could have stopped this in time to let you guys have that special moment of walking across a stage and receiving your diploma. And if you feel this post may not be comfortable for you to read with me talking about my own graduation, please feel free to exit the post. I will not mind, and I understand not reading things that make you feel sad or hurt. And I hope you can all make the most out of this time and what the world has given you and will give you in the future.

Friends and I at convocation

As for me, I remember working so hard towards that goal of walking across the stage. Then it finally came, and I was so nervous, scared, and sad all at the same time. I didn't want my time in college to end and I also wanted to go forward into the future. I knew I had the skills and the know-how to get through life, but was also scared that maybe I didn't know as much as I could have. What if I had missed something and that was the missing link? But I had to swallow those little fears and get my cap and gown. I went to convocation and got the award from the Communication department and got the award as the Distinguished Senior of the Media Studies degree, and even got a gift from my French advisor (with a book that I'm currently reading now!). Things seemed to be going good and I was happy with where I was.

The language department and
my French advisor, Kate.

Then the next day came, and it was time to graduate. And I did. It was a lot of stress to make sure I was there on time and made it to the spot where we walked down from. My feet hurt while we waited to go into the auditorium for the actual ceremony, but I was hanging out with the people from both my majors and my advisors so I didn't care all that much. It was a special day and I would be happy about it.

As I walked in I saw my family (my mom, sister, dad, step-mom, and nephew) all there waving STICKS WITH MY FACE ON IT! While at first I was only slightly embarrassed I laugh at it now and the leftover ones (they were many of them made) are now toys that my nephew plays with. I sat with my friend Christine as we listened to all of the speeches, and was also texting my friends about small funny things during the whole ceremony. It was a fun day, even though we were stuffed all close together and it was a decently hot day.

Looking back at the day now, I realize that I have very little photos from it. There were so many people crowding into the fields outside the building doing the same thing, and I also had to go back and take all my things out of my dorm before a certain time. I only have photos with my French advisor, parents, and sister and nephew as real graduation photos. I never got those photos done in my cap and gown while walking around campus or in a pretty local like many others do. This may also be due to the fact that I didn't finish my cap until the thursday before I walked. I get a bit sad and nostalgic for that day, wishing I had had more time to take more pictures with my friends and teachers on that day, but I know there is time still to take photos with those people, just not in the same context. And it's the people that matter the most anyway!

Back home, I gave myself about a week/week and a half before reapplying to my job that I had had for a few summers before at Party City. I needed something to bring in an income while job searching and saving up for loans. There have been many applications sent out, many cover letters written, and so many searches on LinkedIn and Indeed, and so far I have not found a career. Sometimes I wonder if my intelligence and good grades were all a façade and I actually didn't know anything that was taught to me while in school, but I know that I have those skills and knowledge to really set me over the top. My professors were the best at what they do and I'm still working to make them proud of me.

the only selfie I took that day

When this is done I will be doing a mix of reading and job searching still. I have some avenues that I have yet to travel down for job searching and plan to go there, perhaps that will bring me to that dream career that hasn't even been unlocked in my mind yet.

It's weird that it's only a year since I graduated, how did the time fly by so quickly? How will my life differ in just one more year? It's all speculative and I am both excited and scared for the future, but the excitement wins out more. I've had many rejections from jobs (luckily they weren't bad just that I was 'not picked for the position') and many that just didn't respond to me, but that won't stop me. I know I'm worth it. I'm worth a good job and a good life, so as long as I continue to fight for that and for myself, that's perfect in my book.

I've got my whole life ahead of me, and it's nice and bright.

Thank you for reading this very long and nostalgic post, and if you have any questions about my life as a student or post grad, or even want to share your feelings on being a graduate past or present, please comment below!

À bientôt!

Photo/Gif creds: all grad photos taken by me, family, or friends day of grad, kitty kiss, 

My Inside Out World

So I was watching Inside Out because I want my nephew to like all the same movies as me to because the Ultimate Aunt

Now I love this movie so much. From the first time I've seen it to the time that I saw it then, it makes me feel that I learn more about myself, my brain, and my emotions. There are so many things about the movie that I enjoy. I'll list them for you

This movie packs a punch of emotion

• the memories making clicking noises as if they are made of glass is such a wonderful feature to add
• the fact that by the end of the movie it says it's okay to be sad or multiple emotions at one time and you don't always have to be happy and joyful
• showing just how quick depression can come and hit you, and some of the inner workings of how the emotions work inside you
• Bing Bong and his sacrifice makes me CRY EVERY TIME WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO HIM?
• the end credit scene with the cat's emotions because it's so true and I know that it's actually happening in my own cats

Watching this cinematic masterpiece, it got me thinking about what my Inside Out mind would look like. What are my core personality islands? Which emotion is sitting in the center seat at the console? And what strange memories from my childhood are still strong on the shelves and will never go into the pit? I'm honestly excited to delve into my mind and think about it.

My Personality Islands

Similar to Riley, I would have a friendship and family personality islands. the sublevels of the islands would probably be the little niches that my friends and I bond over, like the Twilight and Iron Fey books (I have a whole chat with friends who love the Iron Fey books and everything Kagawa). And with family I feel that I would have a sublevel of each side of the family, and one for 'family friends that are basically family' like my aunt Rachel and my cousins Benny and Christopher.

Another island I feel would be writing and reading. They've been such a big part of my life and such a large passion in my life that why wouldn't there be a whole island in my mind for it. Filled with all the different stories I am working on, the ones that I haven't yet written down, and the stories that have changed and shaped who I am as a person.

Language is also something I love in my life and I remember the joy that I had in my first French class, my first test that I aced, and everything after that. There are so many other languages that I want to learn as well and so my Duolingo account is about to get SWARMED with me learning everything from French (still), Icelandic, to Valyrian.

I don't know why but I feel like color guard would also be an island for me. Like Riley it was my sport of choice (even though I played soccer for 8 years and only did guard for 4). I felt free and in control in color guard. Being on the field with a flag or rifle in my hands was where I wanted to be all the time.

There's shocking no other major events in my life that I would think could become a core personality island. These are the only ones I can think of right now, and I think that's okay. I don't need to have too many.

Emotion-in-Charge

I feel like I took a similar journey as Riley in my head with Sadness becoming a more prominent role in my mind. I moved a lot in my middle school and high school years and my family went through money problems. I also got diagnosed with anxiety and depression during that time as well.

For me it seems that it's possible that either Sadness or Fear runs my head or they co-run my brain. Because fear is also a very big part of my everyday life. I want to stretch myself and my content and I get worried that no one will like it, it won't be perfect (which is the worst fear for content creators), and it just stops me from doing things that I am a bit passionate about.

I know that my own Joy is in there, and she does get her share of the control panel. I have a lot of good days and wonderful memories. But having the bad days that I do, I can't think that Sadness doesn't have a staring role inside there. 

Memories I Can't Forget

A lot of my memories are fun ones, or ones that are like deep-rooted in fear, like some of my nightmares I had as a child that would wake me up and have me crying. I remember then to this day and they still sometimes send a chill down my spine. Also regrets and mistakes of my past. They're always going to remain solid in my mind.

The things you regret the most, the things you always wonder 'if I had done something different' will always stay in your mind. I think it's a way for the brain to hurt us and also send us forward. Be better, do better, become someone better and stronger. While it is annoying that my brain sends those memories up a lot, it helps me know that I'm only human.

A funny memory that I will always remember is when I was younger and my mother accidentally (or so she says) left me at Hannafords after buying things for my birthday party. People always tell me if I go into stand-up comedy that I should always tell that story because I tell it well.

What is your version of Inside Out? Which islands/memories are the core of you?  I'd love to see how everyone else differs just like in the movie.

À bientôt!

Photo/Gif creds: emotions, core islands, long term memory, bing bong,