One Year Post Grad

my grad cap design

A year ago I graduated college with two bachelor degrees, one in French and the other in Media Studies Communication. It was a whirlwind four years and I miss them so much. The experiences I had, the skills and knowledge I gained, and the life-long friends that I made along the way.

I had actually wanted to post this post the actual day of my graduation but things happened so instead I am posting on the year anniversary of my graduation party that happened a week later. I also didn't know if a post like this was something that should really be posted, due to the situations surrounding all high school and college/university graduations across the globe at the moment. But I really wanted to talk about my experiences since I left Plymouth State and some of my thoughts as well.

To the class of 2020, I do say this: I am so sorry that you have had your graduations derailed due to this whole pandemic. I wish we could have stopped this in time to let you guys have that special moment of walking across a stage and receiving your diploma. And if you feel this post may not be comfortable for you to read with me talking about my own graduation, please feel free to exit the post. I will not mind, and I understand not reading things that make you feel sad or hurt. And I hope you can all make the most out of this time and what the world has given you and will give you in the future.

Friends and I at convocation

As for me, I remember working so hard towards that goal of walking across the stage. Then it finally came, and I was so nervous, scared, and sad all at the same time. I didn't want my time in college to end and I also wanted to go forward into the future. I knew I had the skills and the know-how to get through life, but was also scared that maybe I didn't know as much as I could have. What if I had missed something and that was the missing link? But I had to swallow those little fears and get my cap and gown. I went to convocation and got the award from the Communication department and got the award as the Distinguished Senior of the Media Studies degree, and even got a gift from my French advisor (with a book that I'm currently reading now!). Things seemed to be going good and I was happy with where I was.

The language department and
my French advisor, Kate.

Then the next day came, and it was time to graduate. And I did. It was a lot of stress to make sure I was there on time and made it to the spot where we walked down from. My feet hurt while we waited to go into the auditorium for the actual ceremony, but I was hanging out with the people from both my majors and my advisors so I didn't care all that much. It was a special day and I would be happy about it.

As I walked in I saw my family (my mom, sister, dad, step-mom, and nephew) all there waving STICKS WITH MY FACE ON IT! While at first I was only slightly embarrassed I laugh at it now and the leftover ones (they were many of them made) are now toys that my nephew plays with. I sat with my friend Christine as we listened to all of the speeches, and was also texting my friends about small funny things during the whole ceremony. It was a fun day, even though we were stuffed all close together and it was a decently hot day.

Looking back at the day now, I realize that I have very little photos from it. There were so many people crowding into the fields outside the building doing the same thing, and I also had to go back and take all my things out of my dorm before a certain time. I only have photos with my French advisor, parents, and sister and nephew as real graduation photos. I never got those photos done in my cap and gown while walking around campus or in a pretty local like many others do. This may also be due to the fact that I didn't finish my cap until the thursday before I walked. I get a bit sad and nostalgic for that day, wishing I had had more time to take more pictures with my friends and teachers on that day, but I know there is time still to take photos with those people, just not in the same context. And it's the people that matter the most anyway!

Back home, I gave myself about a week/week and a half before reapplying to my job that I had had for a few summers before at Party City. I needed something to bring in an income while job searching and saving up for loans. There have been many applications sent out, many cover letters written, and so many searches on LinkedIn and Indeed, and so far I have not found a career. Sometimes I wonder if my intelligence and good grades were all a façade and I actually didn't know anything that was taught to me while in school, but I know that I have those skills and knowledge to really set me over the top. My professors were the best at what they do and I'm still working to make them proud of me.

the only selfie I took that day

When this is done I will be doing a mix of reading and job searching still. I have some avenues that I have yet to travel down for job searching and plan to go there, perhaps that will bring me to that dream career that hasn't even been unlocked in my mind yet.

It's weird that it's only a year since I graduated, how did the time fly by so quickly? How will my life differ in just one more year? It's all speculative and I am both excited and scared for the future, but the excitement wins out more. I've had many rejections from jobs (luckily they weren't bad just that I was 'not picked for the position') and many that just didn't respond to me, but that won't stop me. I know I'm worth it. I'm worth a good job and a good life, so as long as I continue to fight for that and for myself, that's perfect in my book.

I've got my whole life ahead of me, and it's nice and bright.

Thank you for reading this very long and nostalgic post, and if you have any questions about my life as a student or post grad, or even want to share your feelings on being a graduate past or present, please comment below!

À bientôt!

Photo/Gif creds: all grad photos taken by me, family, or friends day of grad, kitty kiss, 

Why I Have Been Absent

Hello, this is going to be a long post so if you can bear with me that would be great.

I have been gone for quite a while now from this blog. My last post having been done in April, my Page Habit box reveal. Since then, I have been working hard finishing my junior year in college and getting home. I have also been battling a little internally which I will share later in this blog. I just haven't been feeling like myself, and for those reasons (and the ones I will share with you) I haven't felt the pull to post something. I've barely read a book that I've been DYING to read ever since I got it at a library sale.

So, I finished my junior year of college. I had many research papers and projects to finish, so many that I just couldn't even think about doing something that was fun for me, like reading or writing (by the way I completed my NaNoWriMo novel and am on the editing stage of that). I just had to get my work done so that I could pass. Outside of my papers and projects but still in the realm of school, I was working TIRELESSLY on my study abroad trip. This trip has had its ups and down, from before being Lyon, France to now being Montréal, Canada due to money, I'm still having issues.

I have been honored to be awarded two scholarships through my school due to the work in the language department of my university and one for my study abroad trip, but I also won third place in a French video contest held by the Franco American Centre of New Hampshire. My research partner and I from one of my classes won a small award from the Women's Studies Council at my university based off our paper on Wonder Woman and how her new movie has changed the world of cinema for women. So it seems that my hard work has been paying off!

However, with all this, and all the work that I have been doing since 2016, I still need some money. As of this moment, I am only covered just over half of my trip. I was not able to find a job for the summer either, so that will hurt me in my journey. I still need to get the rest of the money before I leave, so that I am able to have a place to stay while in Montréal and be able to eat. I will most likely be living off campus so I need money for rent (which is surprisingly cheap).

Here is my travel fund if you are able to donate: Help Send Monica To Canada for an Eye-Opening Semester!. If you can't donate yourself, I ask that you please share to help me instead. The campaign is only open for the rest of June because I can't change the end date so I would need the money ASAP!!

So, now on to my internal battle that I mentioned earlier. I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I take medication for this. However, I for a while I was without health insurance and I wasn't able to pay every month for my depression medication. This meant that I was in a low spot, this also happened while I was finishing up school, so the stress of school really began to take a toll on my like it never had before without the help of my medication.

However, I have made it home. I have insurance again, and I am back on my meds. I am starting to slowly feel better, but the depression is still a strong hold on my head and thoughts. Also, with all the talks about suicides in the media (RIP all those who have passed), it's hit me because I once felt that low.

I'm bouncing back though, I hope to be in full swing of myself but the end of the summer. I have family events coming up with people I haven't seen in a while so that's exciting, and I look forward to working harder on my study abroad trip.

If you've read this far, I thank you. I know that I can ramble on at sometimes and that not many people care about someone's personal life online, but I just wanted to share the things that make up my life, and in the process make up who I am.

If you have any questions I would love to answer them! Now, let's end this off with a cute gif of a cat, shall we?

à bientôt!

Gif credits: black cat in the tub, heart,