My Inside Out World

So I was watching Inside Out because I want my nephew to like all the same movies as me to because the Ultimate Aunt

Now I love this movie so much. From the first time I've seen it to the time that I saw it then, it makes me feel that I learn more about myself, my brain, and my emotions. There are so many things about the movie that I enjoy. I'll list them for you

This movie packs a punch of emotion

• the memories making clicking noises as if they are made of glass is such a wonderful feature to add
• the fact that by the end of the movie it says it's okay to be sad or multiple emotions at one time and you don't always have to be happy and joyful
• showing just how quick depression can come and hit you, and some of the inner workings of how the emotions work inside you
• Bing Bong and his sacrifice makes me CRY EVERY TIME WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO HIM?
• the end credit scene with the cat's emotions because it's so true and I know that it's actually happening in my own cats

Watching this cinematic masterpiece, it got me thinking about what my Inside Out mind would look like. What are my core personality islands? Which emotion is sitting in the center seat at the console? And what strange memories from my childhood are still strong on the shelves and will never go into the pit? I'm honestly excited to delve into my mind and think about it.

My Personality Islands

Similar to Riley, I would have a friendship and family personality islands. the sublevels of the islands would probably be the little niches that my friends and I bond over, like the Twilight and Iron Fey books (I have a whole chat with friends who love the Iron Fey books and everything Kagawa). And with family I feel that I would have a sublevel of each side of the family, and one for 'family friends that are basically family' like my aunt Rachel and my cousins Benny and Christopher.

Another island I feel would be writing and reading. They've been such a big part of my life and such a large passion in my life that why wouldn't there be a whole island in my mind for it. Filled with all the different stories I am working on, the ones that I haven't yet written down, and the stories that have changed and shaped who I am as a person.

Language is also something I love in my life and I remember the joy that I had in my first French class, my first test that I aced, and everything after that. There are so many other languages that I want to learn as well and so my Duolingo account is about to get SWARMED with me learning everything from French (still), Icelandic, to Valyrian.

I don't know why but I feel like color guard would also be an island for me. Like Riley it was my sport of choice (even though I played soccer for 8 years and only did guard for 4). I felt free and in control in color guard. Being on the field with a flag or rifle in my hands was where I wanted to be all the time.

There's shocking no other major events in my life that I would think could become a core personality island. These are the only ones I can think of right now, and I think that's okay. I don't need to have too many.

Emotion-in-Charge

I feel like I took a similar journey as Riley in my head with Sadness becoming a more prominent role in my mind. I moved a lot in my middle school and high school years and my family went through money problems. I also got diagnosed with anxiety and depression during that time as well.

For me it seems that it's possible that either Sadness or Fear runs my head or they co-run my brain. Because fear is also a very big part of my everyday life. I want to stretch myself and my content and I get worried that no one will like it, it won't be perfect (which is the worst fear for content creators), and it just stops me from doing things that I am a bit passionate about.

I know that my own Joy is in there, and she does get her share of the control panel. I have a lot of good days and wonderful memories. But having the bad days that I do, I can't think that Sadness doesn't have a staring role inside there. 

Memories I Can't Forget

A lot of my memories are fun ones, or ones that are like deep-rooted in fear, like some of my nightmares I had as a child that would wake me up and have me crying. I remember then to this day and they still sometimes send a chill down my spine. Also regrets and mistakes of my past. They're always going to remain solid in my mind.

The things you regret the most, the things you always wonder 'if I had done something different' will always stay in your mind. I think it's a way for the brain to hurt us and also send us forward. Be better, do better, become someone better and stronger. While it is annoying that my brain sends those memories up a lot, it helps me know that I'm only human.

A funny memory that I will always remember is when I was younger and my mother accidentally (or so she says) left me at Hannafords after buying things for my birthday party. People always tell me if I go into stand-up comedy that I should always tell that story because I tell it well.

What is your version of Inside Out? Which islands/memories are the core of you?  I'd love to see how everyone else differs just like in the movie.

À bientôt!

Photo/Gif creds: emotions, core islands, long term memory, bing bong,

Illuminae by Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff

This book was on my TBR for so long. I had heard so many good things about it from friends and others in the book community. I also was interested in it for the sole reason that the cover was ORANGE. I know it's a weird reason to like a book but I'm a weird person so *shrugs*

I posted a photo of it on my bookstagram and my friend and college roommate Lindsey messaged me saying that she also had the book in her collection gathering a bit of dust. So we decided to read it together. She was going to be home for spring break soon and I was just working and job hunting myself so we had some time on our hands. We planned a reading schedule and I made story templates to use and a post for us each to share on our accounts (and I only realized during the last week of the reading that I messed up the reading schedule on it).

Now granted before starting this book, I straight up had NO CLUE what it was about. I read the Goodreads summary and was like: sci-fi, killer AI, plague - cool. So neither her nor I really realized we would be reading a book with a killer plague/pathogen during a VIRAL QUARANTINE. But at least Phobos is nothing like Covid-19, so it makes it a little easier (in my opinion) to get through those parts. It's more like a zombie plague tbh.

One thing I did know about the book before starting this was that the format of the story was nothing like I had ever read/seen before. Files, text chats, and AI comms instead of regular prose and chapters. I didn't know how I would like it at all, or if it would be confusing to read for my brain. Luckily, that's not what happened. The format was so unique and gripping. It was easy for me to picture in my head what was going on, just as easy as with other books and maybe easier because there was less description so my mind could be a little creative.

I found myself flying through the pages and engrossed in the story. I stopped myself from reading ahead of what my friend and I were doing. I wanted to give myself time to process it as well. And give me time to read my other book.

And like I said before I really did like the format of the story as AI files and text exchanges, as well as AIDAN's own internal dialogue (which sometimes REALLY freaked me out). I also really liked the characters.

With Kady I loved her bravery and stubbornness with everything that she did while on the ship and how she would literally break into any system or room and it was nothing to her. Ezra, on the other hand, was like a chaotic mess who was given A SHIP WITH GUNS ON IT. But I really liked his love for Kady and his dedication to her first and foremost. He was also brave and stuff, but his main thing was his love and feelings for Kady and how much her being safe and sound was important to him.

Think it's also important to talk about what is probably the third main character of this book: AIDAN, the AI on the Alexander. Now, I've had AI's that I really liked - Jarvis from Marvel as an example and then Friday - but AIDAN began as the type of AI that makes me want to throw most of my technology into the damn sea! But then at the end, he acted a little like Jarvis/Vision by caring more about humans and not just being a machine.

While reading this book I jumped through like, every emotion I've ever known and then some, and I'm pretty sure I went through the five stages of grief at one point. At first it was interesting and I was really intrigued with the story and where it was going to go, then I started to get scared with the Phobos (the fear might have also been helped with my own anxiety from Covid-19), and then sadness when things started happening to everyone as well as people Kady and Ezra cared about.

End of the story, BLEW MY MIND. I was shocked and even went back a few pages and tried to figure out how I had missed the twist and all the clues that pointed to it. I knew they were there, and my brain was so engrossed in the saving of the day that I didn't see it at all!. But that's good story-writing to me, to write something so great and put those little breadcrumbs in, yet still shock the reader at the end and make the ending as dynamic as the climax of the story.

I give Illuminae 5 stars.

All in all, I really loved this book. I had a great time reading it, and now I'm trying to figure how to add Gemina & Obsidio to my purchase list for this year with my limited budget for it. I thought the concept and format was unique and the characters were wonderfully written. I can't wait to see what happens next.

What are your thoughts on Illuminae? Did you like it or not? How did AIDAN make you feel?

If you need me I'll be zooming away to read more!

À bientôt!

Photo/Gif creds: my photo of the book (edited for vibrance), millenium falcon, joey tribbiani,